This is probably the most frequently asked question I get from moms of young girls.. “When do I have the talks?”
And it’s not just “the talk” – it’s so many of the talks. About their bodies, periods, body safety, how babies are born and made and much more.
Let’s dive in today!
I hope you’ll always remember that I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am a mom raising two girls and hoping to help other moms in the journey. My goal in all of these “talks” was the same. I have always wanted my relationship to be a safe place for my girls. Mother/daughter is a sacred relationship because we are both female. We can both talk about our bodies in a way that is OK and normal because we share the same parts and struggles. We also share the beautiful parts. For example, one of the unique ways God’s made us – is to carry, feed and birth babies. That’s pretty amazing!
Below, I will connect you to all the books that we have used. And I will go ahead and encourage you that there is NOT a magic age. It is probably younger than you wish or imagine. And you’ll never feel ready or equipped. Just chat with your girl over and over again. And answer her questions as she has them.
The first intentional conversation I had with them was about their bodies and how they were going to change and develop (around 1st or 2nd grade). Somewhere around that time, this question also came up, “how are babies born?” We discussed it briefly – more about how they came out and not into specifics about how they were made just yet.
Around that time, we also went over safety and protection of their bodies. As you are seeing in the news and tragic #metoo stories, it is critical that we have these chats and make it super safe for them to come tell us anytime when they are uncomfortable. Closer to 4th grade, I went over periods. Then, I introduced how babies were made and had the initial sex talk with my oldest in 5th grade.
The MAIN thing I kept telling her was she could ask me anything, anytime. I even gave my oldest a journal that she could write an embarrassing question and slide it under my pillow. She said, “Mom, I won’t need that. I know I can ask you things.” We often talk when they are in the bath. Because of the huge amounts of hair in our family, I often help a couple times a week with their hair in the bath. I tell them about body changes or girl things or embarrassing tales. Just girl chat. They know that is our time.
You might feel awkward, but it’s ok. Just be their mom and they might giggle and you might too. Talk more than one time. Be a safe place. Girls need their moms for so many reasons – and this is a big one. For things you can only ask your mom.
My Favorite Books & Resources On This Topic:
- Caring & Keeping of You 1: I used this book first (and skipped the period stuff) when my girls were 1st grade and just talked to them about their bodies in general (went back and read the period part around 4th)
- God Made All of Me: Pretty early on, I talked to my girls about protection and safety of their body using this book and we have reread several times. They can say NO.
- Caring & Keeping of You 2: I used this book for my oldest around 4th and 5th grader
- Birds & Bees: Mary Flo’s material really helped give me confidence to have that initial chat with Ella about how God designed sex (Listen to our chat on Leading Girls Podcast )
- The Talks: Love this couple! They have great stuff for parents on this topic.
- God’s Design For Sex: I read book 1 to Larson in 3rd and book 2 to Ella in 5th. They will feel outdated but they are basic and on point biblically.
- Unashamed – If you have a middle schooler or high schooler, I encourage you to get this and read it. HUGE eye opener for me as a Christian mom of girls.
Please note… I have friends that started WAY earlier than me on all of this and some that have talked later. Every family and kid is different. There is no magic age. You want to just get the information in their heart before they hear it at school. So that you are getting truth in there first. I haven’t covered all of the topics today, but I pray this gets you started as you search.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was just ONE book? I know, right! Well, there is – the Bible, of course. Always pray for wisdom and discernment for God to lead you in every area of parenting these girls.
However, it sure does help to have some guidance in these areas. That’s why I’ve partnered with Parent Cue to write a mother/daughter curriculum that covers bodies, emotions, friendship and more. It’ll be released first quarter 2019. Thank you for your patience. It’s so important we get this right and not rush for our girls.
In the meantime, a NEW eBOOK will be for sale on this site around September 1 for your groups of girls – to focus on the area of SERVICE (1st – 8th graders). Keep tuning in for more information.
Did I mention I have a new TEAM? Meet Heidi and Ellen.